i've built some big walls this past year and i'm...
I’m well aware that I need to start tearing them down, but I’m not ready to trade in my trowel for a wrecking ball.
Why do we look in the toilet before we flush and in our tissues after we blow our noses? Everyone does… You know you do too.
Normal flirting: Hey babe you're so pretty and sweet.
Me: If you were a potato, you'd be a nice potato.
theafricanjew: “Evacuated Tube Transport could take you around the world in just 6 hours. How would you go pee.. Lemme get this straight… We’d be making a giant hamster tube network that connects the entire world? Gotcha.
chick peas and pedicures are two different things....
And by “most people” I mean “every person on the planet Earth”. I told the owner of my apartment complex the other day that I was thinking about making some hummus for the little party we’re all having here on Wednesday. He said “Oh goody!” (cause he’s a creepy, old man) and told me that he’d put hummus next to my name on the list of tenants. ...
the marquee at the morningstar storage facility...
Off 75, between Hall and Lemmon, there’s a little Morningstar Mini-Storage. They have a marquee just off the service road that scrolls text as one would expect. Karissa and I drove by a few weeks ago leaving Walmart, and I looked up and saw that the only word that was scrolling on the sign was “ACHOO!” We thought it was pretty hilarious. Tonight, my neighbor and I passed by,...
shit my boss says.
“I’ve been waiting for someone to blow my trumpet, but no one has. So now the whole orchestra quiets and I just blow it myself.”
looking back at myself a year ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself a month ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself a week ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself yesterday: how embarassing
looking at myself right now: how embarassing
when it rains, it pours.
Guess who has two thumbs and a broke down car? This guy.
Jenna Fischer on 'The Office': We All Want to Come... →
wherearetheturtles-wherearethey: Jenna Fischer is in New York with her husband, writer/director Lee Kirk, to promote the premiere of their indie comedy The Giant Mechanical Man, but it was impossible to avoid talking about her family in Scranton — and whether they’ll be staying at the city’s Dunder Mifflin branch much longer. With rumors swirling over the status of the show’s stars going...
what they say: i just have to unplug the internet for a few seconds
what i hear: we're turning off life support